Baltimore, 28. November 2002

«Saffron, I hope you realise what you have done to me, I am now mountain biking for an hour every other day, and weight training the other days, except Sundays and I have even gone on the Atkins diet. So when we meet – watch out I will be like a tiger!»

Baltimore, 01. Dezember 2002

«Sure, I could promise you the earth and twist and turn to enhance the relationship, but that is not me. I want to be able to look you in the eye without guilt and I want you to be able to look me in the eye without guilt. I am what I am and you have to accept or not accept the situations as it is at the moment. You are who you are and I will have to accept that as well. It must work for both of us. I am not afraid or scared of our relationship, but because of it I am concerned that I will not be able to fulfil at the moment what you are looking for. Even though we are thousands of miles away and have not seen each other for many years, our love for each other seems to be as strong as ever and I would hate to jepodize this.»

Bregenz, 02. Dezember 2002

«For you, I feel the most deepest and profound love I ever felt for somebody in my whole life. That you are married is a fact and you have to decide how you want to live your future life. I do not have any expectations concerning you. Sure, I would wish to see you soon, to be with you, to share every moment with you, but it is not important what I want. I know what I feel for you and if there is the first chance to see each other in February in Zürich, because there is no other possibility before, then I will accept this even if it is difficult for me. If it is even later then I also can accept it. If you tell me, that you do not want to hear me anymore, not because you are having feelings for me, but of the problems which you could have with Emma when I would be a part of your life, I also can accept and understand it.  I want to tell you, that I really like Emma very much, from the first moment I met her. I do not want, that she gets hurt. Each relationship has his inner process and development and if I accept this process then everything will happen for his own good. This is what I am going to do. I know that I can never stop to feel this love what I feel for you, even if we would not have contact anymore. But like I said, everything what you decide is right for me, because I do love you. You do not have to fulfil anything what I desire. You should only be who you are, this is what I really want. What you do, you should do, because you have decided to do it with your heart, not because I want it.»

Baltimore, 03. Dezember 2002

«I love, respect and honour her in a completely different way than I do you.  We do not have sex any more (I know what you are thinking! So do not worry, I did not go without!!), but that does not change my feeling for Emma.  I would never be able to live with myself if I treated her poorly or hurt her in any way, she does not deserve that and I would never do it.  I am just not that type of man. On the other hand I do not want you to feel as a second-class citizen! As you are not, in fact you're very very special to me and are completely different.»

Bregenz, 25. Mai 2003

«I was very convinced, if one loves someone like I love you, sooner or later, love wins. Now I know that it is not.»

Baltimore, 26. Mai 2003

«We are forever part of each other, whether we like it or not! The problem is you are over there and I am over here.»

Bregenz, 23. September 2003

«Amore, If we had 24 hours I would try to do everything that I have missed doing with you, normal things.»

Baltimore, 19. Oktober 2003

«If we keep on wishing for ideal circumstances we will never meet!»

Baltimore, 10. Dezember 2003

«I am very honoured to be your Noodlechen! (The new Nickname) I can still remember your hand in my jacket pocket walking throught the park and you misbehaving in the park!»

Baltimore, 19. Dezember 2003

«I always feel close to you and even though I will be in New Orleans at Christmas I will be close to you.»

Bregenz, 23. Dezember 2003

«Tomorrow I celebrate Christmas on my own. No, I celebrate it with this invisible man, called Noodlechen. If you could see him, he is so handsome, so charming, and he lights such a fire inside me, that sometimes I think my heart get burned of all this love.»

Baltimore, 19. Januar 2004

«Perhaps it would be better if I just went away out of your life so that you would be able to find someone else. I think you would be so much happier without me once you have found someone and can then get on with your life and be treated as you deserve to be treated.»

Bregenz, 20. Januar 2004

«You and I we will not die, because I believe in our love and we deserve to live this love in this life. Please understand, even you would go out from my life I cannot stop loving you and I cannot stop thinking of you.»

Baltimore, 19. November 2004

«I have been thinking very hard about us and to me it would be way too painful to see you again and then to have to say goodbye again. I know that it does not bother you, but I would feel miserable. I have had enough pain in my live without adding more to it. It is pointless seeing you if there is no future for us and obviously you have made the decision that there is not.»

Baltimore, 01. Februar 2005

«It was so nice speaking to you again, It has been a long time. I must say that I was surprised that suddenly you would send me a note. I am pleased that you did. I think that neither of us can keep the other out of ones mind.»

Bregenz, 24. Dezember 2005

«Will there be a Happy End? Hopefully!!!!!»

Gelesen von:

Petra Jannaschk und Joe Remick



Doris lebt in Bregenz, John in Baltimore. Sie hatten vor 15 Jahren eine heimliche Beziehung, nun beginnt sie erneut: nach dem Tod ihres Mannes nimmt Doris mit John wieder Kontakt auf.